I was on the fence about posting this video. It’s hard to watch. I made it over the past 6 months and had it on display at Laura’s celebration. It’s a collection of video from our lives, mostly of Laura being Laura. It is hard to watch and yet I’m so glad to have it. I decided it should be seen, rather than hidden away on my hard drives. We live in interesting times where we’ve had cameras and video in our lives for the past 30 years. She put light into the world and on very rare occasions she allowed someone to capture that light for the ages. I could keep telling these stories, and fumble with the right words to accurately communicate all that she embodied, but as a potential capstone to this digital memorial, it’s probably best if she just shows you herself.
From Krisin Denham
Laura and I were very good friends in grad school during our two years together at the U of A from 1990-92. We came into the Linguistics Department together in August of 1990, and I was instantly drawn to her. Her smile, her ease, her insider knowledge of the U of A and of Tucson made me feel welcome and, well, happy! I soon got to know her family, including her horses, of course, and even got to celebrate Bentham’s first birthday! There were other grad students and faculty there, because of course Laura invited everyone and made us all feel like – no, understand – that it was such a perfectly wonderful reason to celebrate.) We had several cookie-decorating parties out at her parents’ house, and if we were there around a mealtime, of course we’d be welcomed to join. We also went on a caving expedition somewhere near Tucson with our good friend and other linguistics grad student Anna Ciszewska-Wilkens and her husband, physics grad student, Martin Wilkens.
Our second year of grad school, we moved in together at an apartment on E. 3rd Street. We ran together, studied together, played together. Her math background, and just her all around brilliance, as well as her skills as a teacher, helped me through our formal semantics course, where she could give me a mini introduction to formal logic that she really should have taken on the road. Murky notions became clear, and she was so generous with her time and patient with me.
She was very much a part of my own budding romance, just before she met Mike. I had come to grad school just months after I met Hugh (my husband now of almost 30 years). Laura watched me pine for Hugh and even helped orchestrate a surprise visit from him our second year, the spring of 1992. I decided to finish with an MA from U of A, and then took the next year off in Pittsburgh, PA (where Hugh was in grad school), and then finished up my PhD at the University of Washington. Laura was at our wedding in Emory, Viriginia in August of 1993, just before I moved out west, where I would remain, and she moved east, where she would remain. I actually don’t even remember who caught the bouquet, but it must have been her by the looks of it ????.
Even though Laura and I hadn’t seen each other since 1993, I don’t think, we did keep in touch by email, and I really did feel like she was a close friend, despite the time and distance. I certainly heard about Mike during those early days of dating, and how excited she was!
As so many others have said, Laura was so warm and kind and modestly brilliant – and just wonderful. I’m thinking of you all and sending love.
Kristin
From Deb Kelemen
Deb Keleman recorded this from London. She met Laura in grad school at the U of A and shared an apartment with her at that time. She remained a life long friend throughout Laura’s life.
From Andrea Burrell
I wrote some thoughts down about what Laura means to me. I never stop thinking of her and she has accompanied me on many walks over these past six months. I notice so much more as I trek along because of Laura. In our conversations her inquisitive nature and genuine desire to see things through my lens always stuck with me. She always said “oh, tell me all about it” or “please tell me what you saw”. I just loved how interested she truly was in everything that I had to say! It made me listen more deeply to others and relish their perspective.
Laura gave me a gift. She showed me what true selflessness looks like and she reminded me that no matter what is going on in our busy lives, life is just so precious. I slow down more now. I stop and take in what is in front of me and I often ask myself “What would Laura think of this?” We spent a lot of good times together as young kids but only over the last few years did we connect as adults and I will be forever grateful that I shared that time with Laura. I have never spent such a short amount of time with a friend and yet felt so known and heard as if we have spent decades sharing time together. Laura’s mind mesmerized me. She was not only brilliant but so incredibly enthusiastic about sharing her knowledge and her knowledge was so broad. There were so many things she could speak to in depth and that has become even more clear through all the stories about her on the website. The beauty of this is that she wanted everyone to share in this knowledge of hers and for all to become richer from what she had to teach. I honestly don’t know what was bigger, her brain capacity or her heart but the unique melding of the two made her incredibly special and a true gift to us all. Laura’s distinctive vibe was the best I’ve ever known – so full of energy and so full of love and such a passion for lifelong learning but having fun and taking care of each other at the same time. This vibe of hers was contagious and it will never be extinguished because of the lives she has touched and all of those lives that have picked up on her vibe and passed it along. She just had this effect on people and this growing collection of stories has confirmed that she was bigger than life and we are all better having had her in ours.
Her favorite mantra in life, Be Excellent to Each Other was one of my favorite stories posted about Laura because it really captured her character and her philosophy of life. I think of this every single day and I love that it encapsulates all that Laura was and continues to be. The fact that one person can have such an impact on how we live our lives going forward really means something special. We live in times where distractions are everywhere. Life comes at you fast and is constantly changing and it is often a challenge to keep our minds on the important things. Laura takes me back to the important stuff every single day and remembering her mantra is always a shortcut to getting there. My daughter is getting married this summer and the stress and the emotions that come with planning a wedding can turn even the most virtuous into crazed lunatics. There is a trick that I have been using to help me avoid falling into the drama filled rabbit hole and keep things light and joyful. I simply think of Laura and I repeat “Be Excellent to Each Other” over and over. I’m thinking Laura’s vibe is coming along with me to the wedding and everywhere else I go on the rest of this life journey. Laura was an amazing human full of kindness and love and hope and always wanting us to remember that everything will be alright. Another mantra (from a great song) that I’m taking along with me. Laura changed me and made me better and I will love her forever. I love you, Laura.
Dancing Slow Tribute by Jacob Wurst
Jacob recorded a version of one of Laura’s favorite songs. Caitlin von Schmidt was a member of the River Roses in Tucson and her subsequent solo album included this song.
From Alex Jabs
My cousin Alex wrote this note to Laura when she was in the hospital:
Dear Laura,
I wanted to write this note to share my gratitude, admiration, and love for you. My life will forever be better because you and your family are a part of it. As is often the case with friends and family who live far away, I will always wish there could have been more time together. And I want you to know how deeply I cherish the times we have shared.
I remember your trip to DC when you stayed with Greg and I. I consider it a moment where I bonded with everyone in your family. Though I must say, as a history major and former History teacher, I cannot tell you the immense joy and excitement I felt connecting with Marcus and Jared over the vast paraphernalia I had collected from my travels around the world. Finally! There was someone I could talk to (cause it certainly wasn’t Greg!) about the art of papyrus making; someone who would observe, sort, and appreciate every coin in my collection of global currency; and of course, someone who would listen to my tales of international espionage and intelligence gathering for the US government (even CIA agents need someone to confide in).
I said to Greg during your trip “I enjoy talking to Marcus far more than many of the adults in my life.” I was so grateful to spend time with your children and witness their curiosity and inquisitiveness. While some characteristics are innate to us from the day we are born, that deep desire to explore, learn, and grow from others and the surrounding world is one that I truly believe is cultivated by parents. Those moments with Marcus and Jared were in so many ways a window into understanding the amazing woman and parent you are.
I also remember Greg, Michael, Marcus, and Jared heading downstairs to the basement (I imagine it was to engage in some sort of heated Jabs/Palumbo/Rodriguez debate that we’ve so fondly witnessed at many a dinner table). You and I, for good reason, decided to stay upstairs.
We spoke about raising children—to which I could only speculate as to how I might approach it, while you were deeply living and breathing parenthood every day. I remember being inspired and amazed by the thoughtfulness and intention you put into parenting and the life you wanted to create for your children. I remember feeling hopeful during that conversation—that within a vast world we cannot control, with powerful influences we cannot change, that the decision about how we show up for our children is always within our hands. That is a lesson, from a beautiful conversation, that happened in a tiny kitchen in Fairfax, Virginia, that I have kept with me and continue to draw on as I raise my own children.
Laura—I want you to know how grateful I am that the universe brought us together as family; that we have been able to share moments of immense joy and love during weddings, the birth of children, graduations, and anniversaries; that we have supported one another to remember the incredible people who came before us and built the foundation to our extended family; and that we have witnessed—through the ingenuity of Marcus and Jared—what is looks like to make, and successfully wear, a bow tie that is made entirely out of Legos. How freaking cool is that?
Know that you are so very loved by Greg, Evie, Simon, and I…that we are sending that love to you each and every day…and that we see and feel the bright light you put into the world.
Love,
Alex
Try Everything You Can
Laura loved music. She liked to sing along and dance. She appreciated it in all its forms, from the complexity of Rush to the raw fun of the Ramones; Johnny Cash to Johnny Rotten; Bob Dylan to Bob Seger, to Bob Marley. The list goes on. She was particularly fond of a group of bands and musicians that aren’t quite mainstream. You wouldn’t hear them on the radio, many of them were from the Tucson music scene in the late 80s and early 90s. The Sidewinders, The Gin Blossoms, The Refreshments, RCPM, The River Roses and Jason and the Scorchers all make up a sound I will forever associate with Laura, and as a lover of music myself, I’ll always appreciate her introducing me to them, I’d never have discovered them otherwise.
She kept exploring new music her whole life. In the past few years, she fell in love with a punk trio called the Regrettes after seeing them live twice. Colin Hay’s live show moved her. Plant and Krauss impressed her. Local bands like The Cartels, Locomotion, Lawnchair on Mars, and Mandala made her bounce. But her number one favorite band of all time was Twelve Pack of Safety Glasses, affectionately known as TPSG. Who are they? That’s the band our children formed with their friends. That’s the band she helped name and that’s the band she supported most.
Laura was always supportive of the kid’s learning music. As toddlers she took them to Music Together programs and danced with them in the house, sang songs and played with toy instruments. Marcus started piano at age 7 with his teacher Derek from his first school. Jared was gifted an old guitar from his cousin Carter at age 8. By then Derek had started his own studio and we enrolled them in voice lessons, ear training, piano, guitar, bass, whatever they were interested in. And eventually, Marcus and Jared joined Jacob and Gabe (also brothers) to form a band.
She loved watching them play.
Even with the hardship of the last few years, when they played, she’d burst with excitement. She loved their original songs. She’d rock out to them covering Linkin Park’s What I’ve Done, and stomp and clap to Queen’s We Will Rock You. They’d play Stairway and she’d say, “this is my favorite one they do.” They’d do Another Brick in the Wall and she’d say, “this is my favorite.” Three minutes later they’d go into Shut Up and Dance and she’d say, “Oh I forgot they do this one, this one is my favorite!”
But honestly the one she liked the most was The Middle. She would have loved their latest performance. They get better every time. I think she connected the lyrics to parenting and encouraging kids to shine, I think she saw them shine in those moments on stage. But mostly I think she saw them having fun. She saw the unbridled joy they felt when playing that song and she knew she’d succeeded in sharing with them her love of music.